“Grab them by the pussy” #byefelipe

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During the second presidential debate, Donald Trump hovered over, and lurked behind, Hillary Clinton throughout the entire 90 minutes. Patti Wood and David Givens, body language experts, in an article for The Washington Post, agree Trump “came forth in full alpha-male mode.” Givens also stated Trump’s constant finger-pointing as “aggressive in all cultures,” and he further compared Trump’s snorts to “a bull in attack mode.” Trump’s lion-like circling of Clinton throughout the entire debate was unsettling for everyone; he certainly felt like a predator.

It’s 12:38 PM on Sunday, October 9th, 2016. I’m tuned in to CNN to watch all the pre-presidential debate rhetoric and to get myself into game mode for tonight’s Trump vs. Clinton rematch. CNN to me, during times of national crisis, is like Monday Night Football on ESPN to the average blockhead. The CNN panel of political commentators is broadcasting live from some random ass lawn on Washington University’s campus in St. Louis, Missouri (the gracious host of tonight’s shit show…erm, I mean, debate). It’s only 8:38 AM there. Icky. I can barely hear what they’re saying because a small group of pro-Trump supporters picketing in the background are screaming, “USA!” over and over and over and over. And holding signs like, “Hillary likes Nickelback” and “Trump Will Cut Taxes” and “Only Trump Will Beat ISIS.” The crowd was of mixed gender and race. How could any person of color, or any woman, support that heinous orange Demogorgon. That narcissist. That racist. That bigot. That liar. That vacuous, misogynistic bully. That self-aggrandizing braggadocio. That demagogue. That sycophant. Well, just like homophobia and racism is internalized, so too, is misogyny. Internalized oppression knows no bounds.

I mean, c’mon. My God. Did you hear about that thing that he did? Can you believe it?! OMG. I’m so mad. Aren’t you mad? It’s even worse than that previous thing! Surely this latest scandal will ruin his chances, right? Don’t you agree?

The 2005 recording, leaked last Friday by The Washington Post, captured Trump’s conversation with Billy Bush, then of “Access Hollywood,” on a bus (with the show’s name written across the side) as they were arriving on the set of the daytime soap opera, “Days of Our Lives,” to tape a cameo of Trump’s segment on the show. Here’s what Trump had to say about groping women:

I’ve got to use some Tic Tacs, just in case I start kissing her. You know, I’m automatically attracted to beautiful–I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait.

And when you’re a star they just let you do it. You can do anything.

Whatever you want.

Grab them by the pussy.

You can do anything.

If the man who might hold the highest office in the nation can carelessly throw around the word “pussy,” I’m certainly not going to censure it in my blog. Tic Tac even spoke out against the Donald:

tic-tac

And Billy Bush, the cute, coiffed blonde–but who’s inherently too short to be considered a virile male–heard chortling with Trump in the audio isn’t just some innocent bystander in Trump’s rhapsody on how to sexually assault a woman like a true Hollywood star. He isn’t a guileless little boy whose freckled cheeks are just so adorable and pinchable. He is just as complicit and sleazy as Donald Trump in degrading women to no more than “nice legs” and “phony tits.” In Trump’s world, women are not sentient beings unto which basic human rights apply. We are anthropomorphized Barbies who squander too much saliva spewing pesky opinions that we could be saving for sucking his YUUUUUUGE D.

Crazy, right? Horrifying, right? Preposterous, right?

Please.

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Sexual assault in America, the “greatest” nation in the world, is shockingly casual. Men really do just walk up to women and grab their crotch. Don’t believe me? Just read The Crotchgrabber, an article originally published in the New Yorker on August 11, 2016. Almost two months before the “horrifying” hot-mic audio of Donald Trump was released. Or click on this link from RAINN (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network). Here’s one quick tidbit from RAINN:

“Every 109 seconds, an American is sexually assaulted.”

That’s almost 793 people a day. Or 5,549 people a week. Or 23,780 people a month. Or 289,321 people a year. “Meanwhile, only 6 out of every 1,000 perpetrators will end up in prison.” Female victims make up 90% of those figures. 

If steadfast Trump supporters said their reverence for him wouldn’t waiver even if he killed a man (people actually made declarations like this), do you really think they’ll denounce him after he says, “Grab them by the pussy”? The answer is quite simple: no. Trump supporters are impervious to argument and evidence (and probably really like the idea of just brazenly walking up to a woman and grabbing her pussy). Besides, Trump’s non-sequitur zingers during rallies and debates are exactly what his pundits want to hear. Trump has made it ‘okay’ to be racist. Trump has made it ‘okay’ to be sexist. Trump has made it ‘okay’ to be a bigot. Trump has made it ‘okay’ to be a narcissist. Trump “fumbles” again and again, and we mine our Facebook news feed with words of disgust and astonishment. But in all honesty, all of these things that we continuously pretend to be shocked by are things that have been ‘okay’ and in practice long before he became the GOP presidential candidate. Donald Trump is a literal symbol; he is a visible sign for something invisible. Just like the lion is a symbol of courage, Donald Trump is a symbol of the United States’ continued indoctrination of apartheid. Man vs. Woman. White vs. Non-white. Religious vs. Non-religious. Hetero vs. Homo.

Howard Stern is an emblem of boorish behavior, especially toward women, and he’s been on the radio for decades. My girlfriend’s father listened to him every morning as he drove her to school. This started at the age of seven. Where are all the calls to remove this misogynistic POS from airwaves? Many men talk and think like Donald Trump. While it may be egregious, it’s commonplace. Shaun R. Harper, University of Pennsylvania professor and executive director of the Center for the Study of Race and Equity in Education, said this in an article, “Many men talk like Donald Trump in private. And only other men can stop them,” for The Washington Post:

Truth is, many men objectify women and say outrageously offensive things about their breasts, butts and other body parts in spaces we occupy with each other. In his response to the video’s release, Trump explained that his comments were ‘locker room banter.’ His is a ‘boys will be boys’ defense of sexism and the objectification of women, but he wasn’t incorrect that some men do, indeed, talk that way. And such talk is not confined to gyms and country club showers, but occurs too often in other spaces where men are among other men — in fraternity houses, on golf courses, in barbershops, at bars. I have even seen men stand aside and engage in this kind of talk about moms at kids’ birthday parties. Unfortunately, the kinds of words we heard from Trump are commonly spoken when men are with other men. Those who participate in this ‘banter’ are rewarded. Those who choose not to engage, and especially guys who critique such statements, have their masculinities questioned and risk being placed on the outskirts of social acceptance.

The three most destructive words a boy will ever hear are: be a man.

Grow some balls. Don’t cry. Stop being a pussy. Don’t be a bitch. You’re a fag.

The enculturation of stoic “maleness” begins at an early age for boys through our popular culture, through our parenting styles, through our educational styles, and through arbitrary assumptions on what “natural manhood” is. And these tenets of manly vigor are incredibly insulting and damaging. And in holding men to these standards, we’ve constructed a culture that doesn’t value femininity. If you care, if you show emotion (other than anger and rage), if you value relationships, if you value empathy, you are seen as “weak.” And weakness is not tolerated. As a society, we are failing our boys. And this gross failure is the foundation for rape culture.

This is how Donald Trump’s antics aren’t surprising. Because, in all reality, what Trump said is very normal. And I’d like to thank Pat Robertson, Christian media mogul and onetime GOP presidential candidate, for proving my exact point. Robertson weighed in on Trump’s audio leak and shrugged off his boastful declaration about the groping of women as simple “macho” talk. The exact issue at hand is that Trump’s behavior is not recognized as a problem. Robertson goes on to say Trump apologized so all’s well that ends well.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Not quite. Trump’s apology wasn’t contrite. For in order to be contrite, you must first understand what you did was indeed wrong. Trump was raised by a father that had a “winner” or “loser” philosophy on life. If you aren’t a winner, you’re a loser. And losing is not acceptable. Trump’s World, like the world of many, many men, revolve around the tenets of hyper-aggression and hyper-competitiveness. When Trump was mocked and humiliated by Obama (back when the birther conspiracy was first making waves), he vowed to take the key of the presidency from Obama’s hands, and not because he wanted to “Make America Great Again” but because his manhood was demeaned by the first black president. And now Trump, the GOP presidential candidate, is debasing the current presidential election with utter buffoonery.

The hashtag “Bye Felipe” exists for the sole reason of allowing women to call out men for their toxic masculinity. And when it comes to digital dating, women screenshot these ghastly interactions and post it to social media, accompanied with #byefelipe, to shame men for their loutish, sexist behavior.

Yes, I know, it sucks to be rejected. Yes, it hurts. And you know what? It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to be angry.

IT’S OKAY.

However, it’s not okay to verbally attack a woman simply because she doesn’t reciprocate your affection.

byefelipe

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Definition of feminism (by Merriam-Webster Unabridged): the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes; organized activity on behalf of women’s rights and interests. So, tell me something, a woman not agreeing to your request to send nudes because you demand them means we’re a “feminist asshole”? YOU’RE GODDAMN RIGHT WE’RE A “FEMINIST ASSHOLE.” WE DON’T OWE YOU ANYTHING.

Remember Pat Robertson, that vile evangelical I mentioned before? Well, he had this to say about feminism: “Feminism encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.” Give me a fucking break, that is just plain laughable. (He also wrote the book “The New World Order.” If you’re not familiar with the dogma of the NWO, I implore you to fall down that rabbit-hole.)

dontgrabmypussy

So I beg you, let’s end Trump’s World. Let’s end this hypermasculine narrative. This is one of things that you can fight and make a difference.

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